Amen. Strugelling against addiction wears you down. Seeing other people struggle against addiction wears on you too. I live with mental illness. I am mentally ill and I work in a psych unit. Mental illness wears you down. And it wears the people around you down. I'm trying to put down the pipe. I just don't have any other sort of crutch. Sometimes the people and things and factions in our world seem like a facade of conspiritors who are part of a grand maciation being perpitrated upon us by an unknown maleficence. Some times it's good to sneak out side alone and smoke.